Singing Divas Suffer from Feminine Itch

August 10, 2000

by guru mumu

Whitney Houston. Vanessa Williams. Janet Jackson. Madonna. Brandy. Alanis Morisette. Alliyah. LeAnn Rimes. Jewel. Britney Spears. What do all these singing divas have in common…aside from awesome pipes and fat wallets? Well, they've all been bitten by the acting bug. And they're still itching!!

More and more female crooners are crossing over from the recording studio to the film studio. From The Bodyguard to Poetic Justice, from Evita to Romeo Must Die, we've been seeing a lot of singing divas trade in their microphones for movie scripts. And it's been a pretty interesting and entertaining ride, I must say. And movie outfits are getting even richer from it.

So what is the deal with this transition from singing to acting? Some of them say it's something they've always wanted to do. And some say that it seemed like a natural progression. And then there are those who just couldn't resist a good deal. A million dollars just to recite a few lines with a blank look in my eyes? Why sure! Fair enough. Whatever toots your horn. Or rows your boat. Or suits your fancy. Or raises your flag. Whatever.

So why do we overcome our doubts (and fears) about their acting ability and haul-ass to the theatres to watch how they fare on the silver screen?

Because we're curious. We really are. I admit I saw The Bodyguard to see how Whitney Houston would justify her humungous salary for making the movie. And I saw Poetic Justice to see how Janet was gonna tackle her dramatic rendition…with Tupaq, no less. Did they pull it off? Umm…No. But I was entertained watching them try. And that's what counts for me. Entertain me, dammit!

And there are some of us who are just pure fans. We are blown away by these women's crooning kudos…so why not be blown away by their acting attempt? Unfortunately, there's no guarantee whether we'll be blown away by their awesomeness of their awfulness. Oh, my goodness.

There are, of course, those who prove, either from time to time or every time, that they really can act. Or even if they really can't, they do a good job of pretending they can. Let's see…There's Madonna in A League of Their Own. She was cute and credible there. But her performance in Evita is a whole other story. There's Vanessa Williams, who's pretty much been able to pull off every role she's tackled. And let's not leave out Cher. Sometimes, I forget that she was a singer before she was an actor. She's that decent. I wish I could say the same thing about her wardrobe.

So are we gonna get more of these singers coming to a theatre near us? I think so. Britney Spears, Jewel, and LeAnn Rimes all auditioned for the part of Violet in Coyote Ugly. And I bet each of them thought she was a shoo-in! But the glory went to non-crooner Piper Perabo. But I don't think these passed-over singing gals will quit trying. The feminine itch is still there. And Christina Aguilera wants to get in on the action, too. Now that should be interesting. I've already thought of a possible title for her movie debut: Message in a Genie's Bottle. Now if that doesn't get her a film contract, I don't know what will.